Psychic Detective Causes a False Alarm For Police. Also Doesn’t Win Lottery. Must Be A Lousy Psychic.

In an effort to further the arts, we at the Life and Times like to encourage those around us to participate in various artistic activities. We all know, however, that you are too busy to keep up on the latest news AND enhance your artistic appreciations.

To combat this, we have written a delightful script for you and your loved ones to act out. This script reflects a current news story as well as provides you with an artistic outlet.

Gather up your friends for a table read and enjoy.

 

The Life and Times Presents: Hardin’s Psychic Detective

 

News Anchor John Stallworth: What an interesting look at the weather. Who knew you could have blizzards in June.

Coming up, is your feather pillow slowly killing you? We answer that question and tell you what you can do to keep that pillow away from your knives.

Now, though, we go live to the scene in Hardin, Texas where reporter Jack Leeson has, possibly, the story of the century. Jack?

Jack Leeson: Hi John. I’m out here in Hardin, Texas, a city that was rocked by a psychic’s mass grave predictions earlier today.

Stallworth: What has been found so far?

Leeson: 25 to 30 bodies have been excavated.

Stallworth: Wow, Jack. That is really…

Leeson: Just kidding, John. Nothing has been found at all.

Stallworth: Why would you say that?

Leeson: I guess I just have a morbid sense of humor. Maybe that’s why all of my friends forget to invite me to their parties.

 Following on this psychic’s lead, police began digging on the property of Joe Bankson this afternoon, only to find absolutely nothing.

Stallworth: Well, what is the next step for police?

Leeson: After watching several episodes of the comedy/ drama Psych, police have come to the conclusion that this “psychic” is not a psychic at all, but just a really observant person who makes haphazard accusations to police before finding out who the real murderer is. They will continue to hang back, offering just the right amount of resistance to this “psychic’s” methods, until the real mass grave is located and the killer identified.

Stallworth: Why would the police continue to trust this person’s recommendations? It seems they were incredibly wrong this time.

Leeson: Well, they wouldn’t normally. They really have no choice, though, as the police chief is a sucker for the theatrics that come with each reveal. They usually involve screaming, dancing around, and “sensing” something that they have, in fact, seen for themselves earlier that day. It really is quite remarkable.

Stallworth: Incredible. What are police doing to find any other information?

Leeson: Well, John, the police have attempted to hire several different investigators to close this case. They have contacted a woman who claims to be able to speak to ghosts, a Nigerian medicine man, and what they would only describe as a “detective with a really big magnifying glass.”

They have also sent their most rebellious cop into the seedy Hardin underworld to try to dig up whatever he can find. His methods are usually very effective, but since he doesn’t play by anyone else’s rules, a great deal of property damage usually accrues throughout his cases, almost always getting him temporarily kicked off of the force.

Stallworth: Wow. What a story. We’ll be sure to check back in with Jack Leeson as soon as anything develops.

Coming up, do you or your loved ones secretly have rabies? Our medical team weighs in. Also Slim Slam Brick McMann with the sports. Stay tuned to Texas’ number eight newscast.

 

If your table read was good, take a bow now. You did a great job.

If not, stop being terrible at things.

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3 thoughts on “Psychic Detective Causes a False Alarm For Police. Also Doesn’t Win Lottery. Must Be A Lousy Psychic.

  1. Pingback: Is It “Wrong” To Seek A Psychic? « Christian CoffeeShop

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