Dear Anonymous Internet Commenter

Dear Anonymous Internet Commenter,

Hello. You might remember me as the gentleman who wrote that article you just read.

I wanted to think you for taking the time to comment on my article. It’s not every day I have someone take the time to point out every flaw or inconsistency I have ever written, so thanks for helping me out with that.

First of all, I want to start off by letting you know I am very much aware that I am not an expert at this subject. I have never earned a doctorate degree relating to this nor have I ever been employed by the government to govern over all things related to this subject.

This is what we like to call an “opinion.” See, when I am writing something that is from my point of view, I am not purporting myself to be the person I am writing about. Instead, I am writing what I think. Since I am not that person, it is a third party’s opinion.

You are more than welcome to disagree with me. You, however, must use the same general amount of logic in your argument that I spent on mine. What I wrote took a couple of hours, what you wrote did not even take enough time for you to bother proof reading it or spell checking. And, no, using the letter “U” instead of the word “you” does not save enough time to make it a valuable abbreviation. Don’t do that ever again, please.

I also want to congratulate you on finding the caps lock key. I had been reading all of the other comments written in boring lowercase letters when I got to yours. It was a great way of expressing that you were either very outraged or trying to shout over a loud piece of construction equipment. Either way, keep up the good work with that. I SAID KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!

Of course, I, just like the rest of America and the world, value your opinion so greatly that I had been sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for your approval. Since I did not earn it, I am sure you have a much superior article on the way. I look forward to reading your article.

In conclusion, it is clear your mother did not hug you enough as a child. I think a therapist would do you wonders.




5 thoughts on “Dear Anonymous Internet Commenter

  1. Well… I suppose, as an anonymous internet commenter, that I can accept ur apology. Just make sure that next time u write about anything, u check with ME first, to find out the CORRECT opinion u should have on the subject. Or I might just HAVE TO BE OUTRAGED AGAIN, and BRING DOWN THE WRATH OF ANONYMITY!!!!!!!! <-extra exclamation points, also a good way of indicating that I'm yelling this from the other side of a canyon.

    … wow, I fail at using 'u' instead of you… had to go back through the comment and change all my yous to u's. definitely not a time-saver 😛


  2. Dear “inconsistent and flawed” bastard (I mean blogger)

    You forgot to indicate to the loser, some people LIKE your posts so much, they are tempted to rip off (I mean borrow) almost word-for-word…or rather, they were greatly INSPIRED by your post(s).

    They didn’t seem to mind your opinions or grammar.
    Just thought I’d point that out to you, being that you are a “non-expert” blogger and all!

    **sigh** Why I waste my time here, I’ll never know!

    Yours Truly,
    Ms. Ahhsome- because I’m totally awesome & know it all
    Lake Forest, CA


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