New Record To Beat: 25,000 Big Macs

MMMMM! I could go for 25,000 of these!

I don’t remember my first trip to McDonalds.

There is a very specific reason for that: I feel nothing about McDonalds. I don’t hate it, I don’t love it, I nothing it. In fact, the best way to describe McDonalds is with a quick “meh.” And, yes, that is to be said in the middle of a dismissive shoulder shrug.

I’m aware that what I have just said is unpatriotic. Nothing is more American than McDonalds, except maybe a cowboy eating McDonalds and playing baseball after shooting a Nazi, all while wearing Wranglers and an Uncle Sam mask. The point is it is a piece of America’s national fabric.

In fact, I feel like I may be the only person who feels this way about the golden arches. People have been known to go crazy over the processed meats soaked in grease. If you don’t believe me, go into a McDonalds and tell anyone eating there that you don’t really care for the McRib. Odds are very likely (at least here in the Midwest where the average person has 75% body fat) that you will be met with a bewildered stare.

People love the McRib so much that there are clubs of people who will travel to ANOTHER STATE if they hear there are McRibs there. After paying for gas, you’re talking about at least a $30 McRib, a sandwich made from taking other sandwich meats, mashing them together, and drowning the final product in barbeque sauce.

As if that wasn’t crazy enough, look at the story of Don Gorske. If you have ever seen the movie Super Size Me, you’ll remember Gorske as the crazy guy who ate multiple Big Macs at a time. He loves them so much, when he goes into his local McDonalds, they just ask him how many.

His first Big Mac came on this day in 1972, the day he got his first car. That day, he ate nine Big Macs, in all of their sesame seed bun glory.

Today, Gorske will celebrate by eating his 25,000 Big Mac. He knows this because he has kept all of the receipts and has a calendar documenting when and where he had a Big Mac.

For those keeping score at home, Gorske has averaged 1.75 Big Macs a day since he discovered the sandwich. He has only taken off eight days in those 39 years, but what can you do when your mom requests from her death bed that you don’t go to McDonalds that day? Or if the weather is bad and McDonalds doesn’t open? Or on Thanksgiving?

Naturally, you keep a stash in your freezer to prevent that from happening, because a day without a Big Mac is a day without sunshine.

Salty, cholesterol filled sunshine.

Gorske is the McDonalds equivalent to an alcoholic, a McAholic if you will. Sure, he is less likely than an alcoholic to get into a car accident or start a fight with a significantly larger biker, but he is just as dependent on those two all beef patties as any alcoholic is to their bottle.

Maybe I’m more discerning about my food. Maybe I’m pickier about my burgers. Maybe my parents didn’t raise me right.

Whatever the reason, I do not and cannot understand the love. It can’t be Ronald McDonald. He is beyond creepy, a clown continually trying to convince you to eat some of his food.

Recently, McDonalds announced their intention to redesign the restaurant. It is supposed to look more homey and less like a plastic nightmare. They’re hoping this will succeed at converting us non-fans to their McSide.

Unless it houses a different restaurant inside, though, I doubt McDonalds can count on me becoming the next Gorske.


6 thoughts on “New Record To Beat: 25,000 Big Macs

  1. Speaking as a concerned American citizen, I do have a lot of trouble trying to eat my glorious Big Mac through my Uncle Sam mask.

    Now watch me knock this one out of the park!


  2. Hmmmmm, I knew I’d find someone else with enough sense not to eat that stuff. My human sometimes buys one of MacD’s burgers when we’re out riding and wonders why I tell him I’d prefer roadkill aged a week or two. I’ll show him your post, but…well…humans aren’t to swift.


  3. I’ve always felt this way about McDonalds. When we got Senior priviledges in high school, we were allowed to exit campus for lunch. EVERY DAY, my girlfiends wanted to go here. ugh. I now dread having to take the kids every so often, as of course, there’s one near us that has a HUGE indoor playstructure the kids can go crazy on!

    you know another place I feel that same “nothing/ness” to..dare I say, gasp DISNEYLAND. Disney needs to igure out what new stuff to add, and what rides to leave alone. The “Happiest Place on Earth” needs to stop making it the most expensive place on Earth. They allow too many people into the park. all of that overshadows the fun aspect and makes me go “eh..not today.” Shocking. A mom that doesn’t love Disney.

    Lake Forest, CA


  4. Pingback: What will happen when this is all there is? |

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