Right now, as you read this, I know exactly what you are thinking.
“This Friday, somehow, seems different. It seems…. much more gooder.”
First of all, gooder is not a word. That is the worst grammar I have ever seen. Your English teachers have been whipped into a violent rage because of what you just said.
Secondly, you are right. The goodness level of this Friday is higher than most Fridays. There is an obvious reason for that.
It is Good Friday.
For the uneducated heathens amongst us, Good Friday is the day that Jesus was captured by soldiers. He then goes through whippings and carrying of heavy crosses until they kill him.
Right now, you’re saying, “That doesn’t sound good at all. This should be called Terrible Murdering Friday.”
It can’t be called Terrible Murdering Friday because it is a super-huge downer. If it were called that, everyone in the country would be depressed all day, making it impossible to do anything in America. It is very difficult to get things done when everybody is lying in a fetal position crying.
Also, someone might get the wrong idea and think THEY are supposed to either be murdered or cause a murder. Not good.
Besides, not to spoil the ending, but Jesus comes back to life on Sunday.
Of course, this brings up a huge question.
If this Friday is so good, how come I am at work?
I looked it up. In Canada, everything closes on Good Friday, making it a particularly good Friday. Sweden, Norway, even England are closed on Good Friday. Even in some states, Good Friday is a government holiday, thus closing everything.
Apparently, Kansas is not one of them.
Why should those people get today and off while I am stuck at work? I thought we were supposed to be one of the most advanced countries in history. We can’t even recognize the Fridays that are good versus the stupid regular Fridays.
Now, being the generous guy that I am, I am giving the lawmakers in this country a break. They are most likely like me. I never remember what day Easter or Good Friday is on until someone says, “It’s Good Friday.” Someone probably forgot to remind them, so they didn’t close the country.
If this is the case, shame on you, congressional aides. Your one job is to assist (that’s what aides do) our congressman with things such as remembering to tell everyone in the country that they get today off. You clearly did not do your job correctly, therefore you should have to come and work for me so I can go home.
Now, since the congressional aides are all big dummies, our job is clear: next year, we must take matters into our own hands. Write your congressman at the beginning of March with a nice “Hey, Good Friday is coming up! Don’t forget to close all the businesses” letter. It would also help to send a calendar where all of the Fridays with abnormal amounts of goodness are circled. Since there is only one, that should take a solid two minutes.
It shouldn’t be too hard to convince them. I’ve seen C-Span and Congress looks boring. They should want to do anything they can to get off of work.
We can work out the details. There are plenty of mediocre Fridays left before then.