Open letter to anyone cool enough to read it…

There are a few things in my life that I have found are always true. First, it can always be worse. I have learned from every crappy sitcom I’ve ever seen. If you ever even think, “Well, at least it can’t get any worse,” then it starts to rain on you. And you will never have an umbrella, because that would mean things weren’t really any worse.

Secondly, hamburgers are always good. Seriously. If you are saying they aren’t, you are either at this second feeling guilty mid-burger, you are a nutty vegetarian, or you are sitting near an attractive vegetarian and, let’s face it, that is a definite deal breaker. I believe if a cow tasted a burger they would immediately say, “Oh! I get it now! Go ahead. I can’t blame you.”

There is one fact though that seems to be constantly true for me. I literally run into it every day. If I have something to do, I will get distracted.

I’m not talking about at work. When I am working, I am magically able to maintain focus for minutes, nay, hours without thinking about why Jason would wear a hockey mask during his murderous rampages, or what a bird thinks about all day (worms and location to drop little white poops, just so you know), or even what’s on TV. It’s when I get home that this all falls apart.

It’s not that I lack ambition. In fact, I think it has to do with me being too ambitious. I have roughly 32,000 hobbies, passions, pobbies, and hassions. I get home and, after 3 hours of figuring out what I want to do, I suddenly feel tired. Being tired makes me develop a sudden interest in reruns of “My Wife and Kids,” and my evening is shot.

So this is my promise to you, me, and that guy creepily reading this over your shoulder (made you look). I will bring forth a new writing every day. It may not be long, but it will be there even if I have to never sleep again. Actually, that might make the writing more interesting.

Please check them out and comment. Maybe let your friends know this psycho is telling the world what birds are thinking.


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