In America’s search for new foods to shove in our mouths, a great deal of unnecessary foods have been created. At some point in the 1970’s, someone decided that having to use two jars was far too much work. Thus peanut butter and jelly were swirled in jar, saving millions of people a full 10 […]
Rush Limbaugh is known for saying ridiculous things. This a man who called a college co-ed a prostitute because she spoke in favor of insurance covering the cost of birth control. He once said that an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico should be left alone because “the ocean will take care of […]
It was late at night when I pulled up to the stoplight. The road was dimly lit, the only light coming from a car to my right. It bounced through my windshield, showing that I had neglected to buckle my seatbelt. I don’t know why it was unbuckled. Maybe I had decided to live dangerously. […]
It is just mere weeks until December 21. For most people, this means nothing. Those people are just walking around in a world of unicorns and fairy dust, expecting a rainbow to appear and rain down gummy bears. Everyone who knows anything knows that December 21st marks the end of the Mayan calendar and that […]
China does a lot of things right. Not toys or toothpaste or crayons (unless you have always wanted to increase the lead in your home), but there are things they are great at. You know, like gymnastics or naming delicious chicken dishes after generals. Unfortunately, the list of things they do well does not include […]
There is no better way to follow up a lovely holiday like Thanksgiving than by becoming sick. Fortunately for me, my mother did more than just cook a turkey: she brought home a plague so that everyone could have the joy of hugging a toilet while wondering how much liquid can come out of […]
When I began to write a blog, I had very low expectations. In fact, I had no expectations. When I hit double-digit reads in a day, I was thrilled. Then things got crazy. By that, I mean I had a few people say some nice things to me and some even read more than one […]
As a patriotic individual, I felt it was my duty to comment on the 2012 presidential election that took place today. Unfortunately, I could not wait to post it. They won’t know who won until, like, 9 o’clock. I will be far too tired to write about the purple mountain’s majesty or fruited plains by […]
With only two days to go before the Presidential Election Day, all eyes are on the polls as people search for the answers to the important questions. Who will have the chance to guide the United States into the coming apocalyptic future? Who will become the answer to a trivia question about former presidential candidates? […]
Dear man who collected my urine today, It was great meeting you today. You seemed like a perfectly friendly person. Under normal circumstances, we might have become friends. Of course, normal circumstances do not involve the exchange of my urine. I wanted to take a second to apologize to you. It’s not that I […]
