Tuesday started off very poorly. I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock. After hitting snooze until the very last second I could, I crawled out of bed. I stood up straight and immediately realized two things. I was still tired. Not regular tired, but somehow after a full night’s sleep, I was more […]
Around ten o’clock today, I took my usual coffee break at work. My eight o’clock coffee had just begun to wear off, so to prevent any sort of unfortunate incidents due to a lack of caffeine, I headed to the break room for preventative caffeination. As I poured a cup of mediocre but nevertheless […]
You know how people say that a dog is man’s best friend? That’s wrong. A dog is a man’s responsibility. A dog is a little poop factory that’s only goal in life is to eat food directly off of your plate the second you turn around. If anything, dogs are man’s neediest friend. There is […]
DEAR NATHAN: My husband of eight years will not resolve his foot odor problem. We live in a small apartment, and it’s humiliating when we have company and half the apartment smells like stinky feet. He refuses to wear socks, and his solution in winter is to open all the windows and turn on the […]
In the break room at work, you are bound to run across interesting conversations. More often, though, you are going to hear the same conversations over and over. The break room is not a place to break ground conversationally, lest you choose your conversational choice poorly and spend the next 40 years known as the […]
If you were to crawl into my head, you would find many lists. I mean, not literally. You would probably find a bunch of gooey stuff and great deal of Doritos residue. METAPHORICALLY you would find a lot of lists in my head. I constantly find myself ranking things. I have no control over it […]
The other night, I was enjoying a delightful evening of family time. We had just eaten dinner and, much to my wife’s chagrin, were settling in for an evening of playoff baseball. Things were going strong when my sister came down the stairs in a ridiculous pair of shorts. There were animals involved and a […]
DEAR NATHAN: I am a 13-year-old boy. My dad and I have a disagreement. I have been throwing away the lunches my mom packs for school because I don’t like them and buying school lunches. I realize this was ungrateful and dishonest, and I regret doing it. As a punishment, Dad won’t let me go […]
I don’t understand why movie theatres sell large drinks. They find suckers like me and post pictures of drinks, almost as if to say, “A movie is a REALLY long time to go without some sort of refreshment. Good luck with your dry and itchy throat!” I almost have no choice but to spend every […]
In honor of my wife’s birthday, I have written an extra special haiku just for her. I hope ancient Japanese forms of poetry count as a gift. My Wife’s Birthday Happy Birthday, wife of mine Cake and candles and…. uh…..gifts… It’s the thought that counts? Related Articles Piece of Cake: Why Cakes are […]
