Barring some unforeseen terrible happenstance, tomorrow will be my birthday. This will be my 26th one of these. I’ve been around the block, I know how this goes. To save myself time tomorrow, I would like to respond to all of the birthday wishes now. To all of those who are going to ask “So… […]
Dear Diary, In the past, I have been very concerned about the humans. There are many times they barely seem able to function in the world. If they drop crumbs on the floor, they never pick them up and eat them despite the fact that it is perfectly good food. They insist on not only […]
Ladies and gentlemen: the clock is ticking. You can feel the energy in the air. People are rushing hither and thither, preparing. In mere days, Halloween will have arrived. The word “Halloween” was first used in the 16th century. It had something to do with demons and the underworld and souls of the dead and […]
In honor of my wife’s birthday, I have written an extra special haiku just for her. I hope ancient Japanese forms of poetry count as a gift. My Wife’s Birthday Happy Birthday, wife of mine Cake and candles and…. uh…..gifts… It’s the thought that counts? Related Articles Piece of Cake: Why Cakes are […]
Tomorrow is Memorial Day, a day to honor all of those who, since the Civil War, have been killed in battle. In typical American fashion, it has also become a day revolving around food, causing many to shove grilled meats down their gullet. With so much of a focus on eating, it is easy to […]
There are some holidays that should not exist. For instance, Arbor Day. What have trees ever done for us? What a bunch of jerks. Mother’s Day is not one of those days. In fact, Mother’s Day is a day that should be celebrated more than any other. Here is why: - She birthed you. […]
Question: Why do the same people celebrate Cinco De Mayo and St. Patrick’s Day? The two holidays have very little in common. One is celebrating the patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick. The other is celebrating a battle where a severely overmatched Mexican army beat a vastly superior French army. Despite this, the same […]
A while back (8 days, 19 hours and 15 minutes ago to be exact) I was asked a very intriguing question. I had finished a post apologizing to Earth for the fact that we are a bunch of stupid idiots when I was “tagged” by a person named Angrygorillaemissions. (You should go peruse this blog, […]
Today is Earth Day, the day that, according to Wikipedia is an “annual day on which events are held worldwide to increase awareness and appreciation of the Earth’s natural environment.” In honor of this spirit, I have included the following letter to Earth for everyone to sign: Simply print this letter, sign it, take to your backyard […]
When I woke up this morning, it seemed like just any average day. The floor still squeaked, my shower was still very moist, my dog was still sleeping in a puddle of her own slobber. Nothing seemed special in any way. Then, I took a second to glance at my phone. What I saw was […]
