Dear Diary, Often times, I am a bit harsh on the humans. I am fully aware of this. I mean, they do an excellent job of making sure my food bowl is full and providing me with nylon bones, so I cannot say too much bad about them. There are times, though, when all of […]
You know how people say that a dog is man’s best friend? That’s wrong. A dog is a man’s responsibility. A dog is a little poop factory that’s only goal in life is to eat food directly off of your plate the second you turn around. If anything, dogs are man’s neediest friend. There is […]
People tend to treat their pets like people. It’s just a weird fact of life. If you listen closely, every day you will hear someone refer to their dog as their “baby.” This is despite the fact that a very small percentage of these women have ever birthed a dog. These same people have a […]
Since I was a kid, I have had a love-hate relationship with cats. Most feline exchanges would play out the same way. I would go to pet the cat. “Hey, cat. I’m just trying to pet you,” I would say. For some reason, it seems like this warning should prepare the cat for physical […]
Dear diary, If there is one thing that can be said about me, it is that I am not a complainer. I have been told my numerous people that I am a very happy-go-lucky dachshund, a fact that I take great pride in. I very rarely get frustrated about anything besides the cat, but who […]
Dear diary, Have you ever had a feeling that would not go away? Of course not. You are just a book and not a living being like myself. Well, let me tell you, diary. It is no picnic. There are days when, no matter what I do, something just nags at me, eating away at […]
Dear Diary, More than once in my life, I have been called dumb by a human. They seem to think that I can’t hear them when they say things about how I don’t understand what is happening. I, of course, can. I have gigantic ears, one of the many advantages God has given to dogs. […]
Dear diary, All I want is peace and quiet. Is that too much to ask for? I mean, I do my part. I rarely say a word, only making a sound to alert the humans that something somewhere has made some sort of knocking sound. They act like they don’t appreciate my help, but I […]
Dear diary, As a dog, I have a great deal to be proud of. There’s my strong tradition of killing squirrels, my excellent teeth, and my tail which is definitely a sign that we dogs are far more evolved than those people we hang around with. Mostly, though, I am proud of my smell. I […]
Dear diary, As you are very aware, I am a neat dog. I like to keep things tidy and very organized. You never know when you are going to be forced to find your best nylon bone on a second’s notice. I was in the middle of my licking routine this afternoon when I saw […]
