The Story of Christopher Columbus

Christoper Columbus arrives in America (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As children, we are taught many rhymes. We are taught rhymes about women who live in shoes and rhymes about girls who, for some reason, eat curds and whey. There is a spider that goes up a water spout and a lamb that follows a girl to school.

Amongst all of these rhymes, though, sits a single educational rhyme.

“In 14-hundred 92, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.”

If you were to ask 100 people what year Columbus came to America, 95 of them would answer “Why, I do believe it was 14-hundred 92.” The other five would say “Why? Who wants to know? What is this? Get away from me! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!”

How many of those 95, though, would know the whole story? I would guess far less than that. For those, I would like to take a second to present “The Story of Christopher Columbus.”

 

There once was a man, true and brave

Columbus was his name.

He dreamed of sailing a different way

To earn historical acclaim.

“I should be the sea’s admiral” he cried

“And given a tenth of everything.”

John II said “Yeah, right” and sighed

Then sent him on his way.

So on to Spain Columbus went

And Queen Isabella said “Fine.”

Gave him three ships and her consent

And Columbus completed his design.

The Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria

Set sail on a brand new course.

Said Chris, “Here we go to India!”

Not knowing his decision’s force.

The ships struck land and Chris took shore

“It’s India! How quaint!”

His men said, “Um… Chris, don’t get sore,

But India this ain’t.”

Chris greeted the first people he saw.

“Well hello Indian chums!”

The Native Americans glanced squaw to squaw

Confused by this guy, so dumb.

For the rest of his life, Chris declined

To believe he had found a new land

Insisting that India was barely refined

And he was great at navigation.

So next year when you’re not at work

Remember why that is

Because Columbus was a stupid jerk

Who couldn’t work a compass.

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• The travels of the dead Christopher Columbus (repeatingislands.com)
• Celebrating Columbus, Brave and Bright (nationalreview.com)