A while back (8 days, 19 hours and 15 minutes ago to be exact) I was asked a very intriguing question. I had finished a post apologizing to Earth for the fact that we are a bunch of stupid idiots when I was “tagged” by a person named Angrygorillaemissions. (You should go peruse this blog, just so you know)
AGE had mentioned me in one of his posts and posed a very important question:
“I appreciate your enthusiasm for earth day. What is your favorite holiday though, and why?”
This was not an easy question. For starters, there are a lot of holidays. Through the year’s 365 days, there are approximately 1400 holidays, even more if, like me, you pretend every time you eat cake you are celebrating something.
After hours of blankly staring at a calendar, I still had not chosen a holiday. I began to go through the holidays, creating a Pro/Con list for each:
New Year’s Day
Pros: A whole new year means new opportunities and a fresh start for all.
Cons: A whole new year means a lot of me trying to remember what year it is. It’s hard to remember since it keeps changing.
Martin Luther King Jr. Day
Pros: Celebrates a great man’s work at desegregating theUnited Statesand bringing all races together.
Cons: Martin Luther King Jr. Day has no food associated with it. A holiday can’t be taken too seriously until it has some sort of food to shove down our throats.
Pros: New president.
Cons: It rarely happens, only counts as a real holiday inWashingtonD.C.and the surrounding states, and it is really boring.
Pros: Everyone can honor the men who built this country just the way they were meant to: getting up to $5,000 off of an automobile that, at the mere sight, would have caused these forefathers to lose their minds.
Cons: Everyone finds it necessary to share random trivia about presidents. Do you know who the tallest president was? No, I don’t because I’ve been busy learning things that I might someday care about. Presidential heights do not fit into this category.
Memorial Day/ Labor Day/ Veterans’ Day
Pros: I get a day off work. I always like having a day off work so this is a pretty serious pro.
Cons: I cannot remember when any of these holidays are. I will never remember when these holidays are. It is a lost cause.
Pros: Hot dogs! Fireworks!
Cons: Acid indigestion! Blown off fingers!
Pros: It seems like there are a lot of sales on mattresses and things of that nature.
Cons: Nothing happens on Columbus Day. There is no day off, there is no celebration. Really, it does make sense since this holiday is celebrating the fact that an Italian guy couldn’t work a map and compass.
Pros: Any holiday where you are encouraged to eat until you want to vomit is 100% okay in my book.
Cons: The holiday completely waters down the relationship that was held between the Native Americans and the pilgrims who settled this country, causing people to turn a blind eye to the hardships that were heaped onto these poor natives in the name of our greed. Also, some people eat beets at Thanksgiving. That’s soooooo gross!
Pros: There are presents. A lot of presents. Even your socks will be filled with presents. Since I like getting free things, this is fantastic.
Cons: These presents supposedly come from a fat man who breaks into your house. Then you are told this is a lie. That means that, for years, your parents lied to you about whether or not you were the victim of a home invasion. No amount of therapy can fix that.
There are many more holidays, but after putting in all of this work, my favorite holiday became very obvious. Without a doubt, my favorite holiday is Meck-Dec-Day, celebrating the signing of the Mecklenburg Declaration of Independence. I know nothing about this holiday, so I have nothing bad to say about. Ergo, it wins by default.
Without the help of my good friend Angrygorillaemissions (all one word), I never would have known this. We’ve all learned something here today, and I think that we can agree it was a very valuable lesson.
Never ask me a question unless you want me to annoyingly overanalyze it.