After a weekend of war with my fellow blogger, the Hobbler, I have grown tired of such things. Thus, I have decided to surrender, give her the win, and move on.
I feel no shame at this loss. This is, in part, due to my inability to feel shame most of the time. Perhaps if my brain were wired correctly, this would be ending differently, me running away from WordPress with my tail tucked between my legs (Figuratively, not literally. I have no tail.), perhaps finding solace on some other site like LiveJournal where people have not witnessed my defeat.
In fact, this surrender is in the best interest of all involved. I could not continue to tear apart WordPress any longer. Rather, we must unite together. It will be a long journey back from this type of schism (Our vocab word of the day!), but eventually we will all get there.
To preserve my legacy, though, I have written the following for the history books:
In the spring of 2012, the tensions on the internet had reached a boiling point. Tired of a perceived lack of commenting by blogger Nathan Badley, the Hobbler proceeded to voice her complaints in the following way.
“Thou dost suck at commenting,” she wrote. “You rarely find it in yourself to comment back to the populace…I am not the one and only to go through this outcome. You have been the subject of my scrutiny for quite some time. I beseech thee to become better at this.”
Taking this as a threat, Nathan Badley had no choice but to declare an all out blog war, or bloar. The next few days were filled with fury as fuming bloggers found themselves dividing the blog world in two before turning on each other. It was a time of great panic for all involved.
Seeing the blog world was threatened, Nathan Badley returned to where it had all started: his own blog. Tired of seeing good people suffer, Nathan would step back from the war, conceding victory to the Hobbler.
Some historians say that Nathan is a great hero for putting the interest of the WordPress community ahead of his own. Others say he is the greatest hero. What everyone can agree on is, despite losing, Nathan’s courage to end the war before something disastrous occurred has saved the information superhighway for future generations. That and that he is one of the most devastatingly handsome individuals this world will ever see.
Seriously, he is super dreamy.