He has knocked out 44 men in the ring. He has been called “the baddest man on the planet.” He bit off a man’s ear and served three years in prison for rape.
He raises pigeons.
Former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson has a new television show airing on Animal Planet. In “Taking on Tyson,” Mike Tyson will take his own pigeons and race them against some of the best pigeons racers in the world.
The man who once chewed up another man’s ear is now a peaceful, pigeon racing vegan with a giant face tattoo.
How does a boxing champion become a pigeon racer? I’m sure many of you think that this is just a publicity stunt for a tv show, but Tyson claims his first street fight was over a pigeon. (Not with a pigeon. Just wanted to make that clear.)
First off, I would not want to face Tyson in a race. He clearly takes his pigeons very seriously. He is also the size of a large SUV. I’m guessing he would be able to beat me in a fight.
Secondly, where to pigeon races take place? I imagine a Fast and the Furious type of setup, all the pigeons owners standing proudly next to their pigeons as the coo. Do they ever race pigeons for pink slips?
This has to be towards the top of the list of unexpected Tyson moves. That means that, without a doubt, all of these things are in the realm of possibility:
-Mike Tyson and Dennis Rodman go on a cross country road trip together, following Aoxomoxoa, a Grateful Dead cover band.
-Tyson shaves his legs and glues the hair to his face, calling it his “legstache.”
-Tyson attempts to procure a guest spot on Glee by singing Aha’s “Take On Me.” He is promptly cast as the loveable but gruff janitor with a heart of gold. And a face tattoo.
-To make up for his biting off of Evander Holyfield’s ear, Tyson cuts off his ear and mails it to him on ice with a note that says “Hope this will work for ear replacement surgery.”
-Tyson agrees to return to the ring, but only if all of his opponents agree to take on the personalities of boxers from the Mike Tyson’s Knockout game on NES.
-Tyson commits to a 13 week engagement off Broadway performing “The Vagina Monologues.” Critics report his performance was “the truest representation of this new American classic.”
-He donates his body to science, but insists they take it now since he’s “not using it that much anymore.”
-After watching Shakespeare in the Park, Tyson writes “The Merchant of Venice 2: Electric Boogaloo.” It is made into a major motion picture starring Robert Pattinson and one of Tyson’s new costars from Glee.
Note that there is one thing missing from this list of possibilities. That would be, of course, Tyson just sitting back quietly and relaxing.
In all honesty, how is it that Bret Michaels has had multiple reality shows, but Tyson hasn’t had any. Tyson is like everyone’s crazy uncle, except he has amped up the crazy to 15. He also has a face tattoo.
You may be asking yourself, “What is the moral of this story?” It’s simple: Don’t make fun of a kid playing with pigeons because he will probably beat you up.
The same also goes for men with face tattoos.